backyard crowing



Tons has happened since I last posted.

Tomorrow I graduate - I go from Z the Film Major to Z the Film Maker. Or I hope so.

Mom says she's going to scream like a maniac from the crowd, which I fully endorse.

I am reminded of the need to "feel a goodbye," like Holden in Catcher in the Rye.

The paternal grandparents are going to finally see that I live with my future hubby, and may freak out because OH THE SCANDAL. I think my dad wants this to happen. Apparently the grandma said, "I don't know if they live together, and I don't want to know."

Something far greater than even her is going on here.

On another note, I don't think I realized until today that my dad is a bit of a drama queen. I can't wait till the paternal side leaves. But then I'll only have a little time with the maternals.

I want to get a chance to sit down in the classroom I had one of my media studies classes in. I had a moment there, when no one else was in the room. I laid on a table at the front, next to the lectern.

This was when I had to drop a class. If I remember correctly, I laid down and tried to imagine what it must be like to lead a class. Professors and students aren't terribly different from each other, they're all just humans.

I remember feeling pretty lost and hopeless. I remember telling myself that I'd retake the class in the summer, and I did. The second time around, I did fine, a B+.

I also recall seeing Goodfellas for that class, and rooting for the crazed wife who threatens her cheating husband with a gun. He says to her, "you're crazy!" And I called out, "No, she's not!" I had to walk out of that class screening and just see it at home. I might have been drunk.

One thing's for sure, I don't always take things lightly. And I'm not sure much comes easily to me, emotionally or otherwise...but maybe that's fine. Maybe I've earned my stripes and then some, when the time comes to blossom.

1:44 am - Thursday, May. 19, 2016


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