backyard crowing
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some emotional vomit
I'm unsure of what to write here, but I was reading something about how creatives sometimes become depressed when they're not creating, so it seems that writing SOMETHING could help.
I also read that your behavior will take you out of depression, rather than thinking about depression itself.
And lastly, I read that personifying your depression and treating it like a mean/awful person is a great way to distance yourself from it. Your depression tells you to stay in? Tell it to go fuck itself and go outside.
I called a sliding scale therapy office not long ago (maybe 2 weeks,) and they have an opening...in 6-8 weeks. So right now I'm just sort of waiting.
R is playing video games, and maybe I should try Sims 4, that always makes me happy. Is playing the Sims creative? I think it is. Not as creative as editing or creating a video, but it is creative. You can play that game a million ways.
I feel like I want to scream, most of the time. I told R, "I'm a workaholic with no meaningful job."
This shit is depressing, but it does help to write it out.
What may be so disturbing to me is that none of this means anything, none of us means anything. I would so love to be proved wrong.
I could wrestle with that question awhile, though. Hannah Hart means something to me. Travel and uprooting myself means something to me. Video editing means something to me.
We create meaning, yeah? It's comforting to be reminded of that when we royally fuck up. Because our fuck ups aren't really fuck ups anymore, they are however we perceive them.
When I got fired from tech support, I decided it would be the best thing to happen to me -- and I applied to get back into college.
7:00 pm - Wednesday, Jun. 29, 2016
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