backyard crowing


mas meanderings

Almost a month has passed since I wrote anything here…

A few things have changed, not too much, though.

My friend Louie has become a life coach, and has volunteered to help me for a discounted price.

He’s smart. He will help! Once a month, for a fairly small fee.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve received about this chapter in my life is that I don’t NEED to have it all figured out. Knowing exactly what I want and where I’m going just isn’t necessary. I have a blank slate of sorts, and that’s a-okay. No biggie. Normal, even.

A lady at the enneagram group today said I was, “What, 20? 24?”

Haha. No, 30.

I certainly feel older than I look. Maybe that bothers me a little. My dad feels much younger than he is.

At any rate, it was a nice compliment.

I want to get back to my roots. Go see my mother. I owe her a call, I always do.

A couple of weeks ago, my paternal grandparents celebrated their diamond anniversaire. I went with lots of family to the Show Me State, and we had a party in the basement of a bank. Weird, right? Well, it was a priceless venue, and by priceless, I mean free.

I pieced together a cute video greeting from various family members who couldn’t attend, and a 3-hour long video of oodles of 50s hits stolen from YouButt.

(Yeah, you know the one.)


Do you think the Universe wants us to be happy? I am starting to believe that it does, as this is a much more productive philosophy than thinking you don’t matter at all. It’s more optimistic, more upbeat. The Universe loves you, woo woo! Cheer on, Cheerleader Universe!

“What you seek is seeking you.” - Rumi

(Thanks for that, papotheclown!)


Today I picked up cheap grocery store sushi. A luxury, but dangit, I wanted sushi. Then I spilled it all in my car. No bueno. I went back to the store, and got some more. My bank account is not happy. The littlest things set me off!

But they don’t feel so little when you make low wages, and a little luxury really pulls the room together.


At the Enneagram event tonight, we talked about conflict, and how it often stems not from the issue, but from the “fighting” style. In other words: the fight is not usually about the issue at hand — if you can’t recall why you’re fighting, that makes sense.

And on that note, your “fighting style” can infact be a FLIGHTING style, as some people typically withdraw. Here are the three styles, in plain language:

1. Positive Polly (Always look on the bright side of life, and we’ll resolve this, you motherfucker.)

2. Make Sense Minnie (We need to be adults and act logically, you motherfucker.)

3. Emotional Emma (She wants the ugly truth to be out in the open — no pussyfooting around, how do you FEEL? Everyone must be HEARD, and only then can we move past this, you motherfucker.)

I’m an Emma, with a side of Polly. R is a Minnie, with a side of Polly. We overlap with Polly Pocket.

I feel no ire toward that toy. I hope kids are playing pastel house with her today.

I really do love R. At the life coaching session, Louie asked me, “which is more important to you, your career or your relationship?

I couldn’t come up with an answer, because how could I? I love the guy. We may not have a ton in common, but I want to marry him, and to never divorce. By that, I mean I don’t ever want to be not his significant other.

I want to make more time to be with him. I’m a workaholic, but I can see how that ends relationships. This workaholicism is at least somewhat a phase — it’s because I don’t have an awesome job yet.

Good evening, you lovely people. :)

12:54 am - Friday, Aug. 19, 2016


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