backyard crowing
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the tryers - I can handle that label
I had a dream last night that must have stemmed from Hannah's book.
There was a mother, and two children. Or maybe just one child, and I was the other. We "kids" were 17 or so.
The three of us travelled in a boat to go to a grocery store. I was helping them with something, maybe I paid for the groceries? Anyway, they were having a hard time with things, and I offered to help. As always when I offer to help, I recall a feeling of uncertainty: were they going to screw me?
After the groceries were purchased, they for some reason started boating away when I was still on the dock, clutching a bag of food.
The mother threw an inflatable mini boat out at me that was connected to them by a cord. I remember thinking, "that thing's not stable, if I try to board with the food, we WILL sink, and the groceries will be of no use."
The connecting dots are these: Hannah's mother was unstable, she had outsiders helping her family as she grew up, and they often couldn't pay for groceries.
And anyway, I can't pay for groceries, so that too is on my mind. We're doing fine because of R, but of course that's not the ideal.
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Sitting in this coffee shop, and thinking, geez, I really do not like people at all. Everyone is annoying.
The people cleaning, the passersby, the good looking women.
I really resent them sometimes, because I just don't find myself to be one of them. And even if I had money to buy clothes? It still wouldn't jive.
"Did you just call me a JIVE TURKEY?!" -
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I just read a Postsecret postcard that said, "I have no direction in life, and I've never been happier."
Now that is a positive perspective.
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One last quote, this one's from Hannah:
"We always talk about 'doers' and 'dreamers,' but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the 'tryers.'"
I don't see anything amazing about either a doer or a dreamer. The former has a reputation of being less creative, and the latter dreams instead of taking action.
But if you're a tryer, you can be in both camps. You're not pretending to be anyone, you're just attempting.
Maybe I should half ass all the interviews I hope to line up, discover there's no work for me in this town, and then leave.
And then again, that would mean spending a lot of time doing what I'd like to do: leave this place. But there's not money for flying the coop.
9:53 am - Monday, Oct. 24, 2016
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