backyard crowing


the tryers - I can handle that label

I had a dream last night that must have stemmed from Hannah's book.

There was a mother, and two children. Or maybe just one child, and I was the other. We "kids" were 17 or so.

The three of us travelled in a boat to go to a grocery store. I was helping them with something, maybe I paid for the groceries? Anyway, they were having a hard time with things, and I offered to help. As always when I offer to help, I recall a feeling of uncertainty: were they going to screw me?

After the groceries were purchased, they for some reason started boating away when I was still on the dock, clutching a bag of food.

The mother threw an inflatable mini boat out at me that was connected to them by a cord. I remember thinking, "that thing's not stable, if I try to board with the food, we WILL sink, and the groceries will be of no use."

The connecting dots are these: Hannah's mother was unstable, she had outsiders helping her family as she grew up, and they often couldn't pay for groceries.

And anyway, I can't pay for groceries, so that too is on my mind. We're doing fine because of R, but of course that's not the ideal.


Sitting in this coffee shop, and thinking, geez, I really do not like people at all. Everyone is annoying.

The people cleaning, the passersby, the good looking women.

I really resent them sometimes, because I just don't find myself to be one of them. And even if I had money to buy clothes? It still wouldn't jive.

"Did you just call me a JIVE TURKEY?!" -


I just read a Postsecret postcard that said, "I have no direction in life, and I've never been happier."

Now that is a positive perspective.


One last quote, this one's from Hannah:

"We always talk about 'doers' and 'dreamers,' but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the 'tryers.'"

I don't see anything amazing about either a doer or a dreamer. The former has a reputation of being less creative, and the latter dreams instead of taking action.

But if you're a tryer, you can be in both camps. You're not pretending to be anyone, you're just attempting.

Maybe I should half ass all the interviews I hope to line up, discover there's no work for me in this town, and then leave.

And then again, that would mean spending a lot of time doing what I'd like to do: leave this place. But there's not money for flying the coop.

9:53 am - Monday, Oct. 24, 2016


lovesounds - futuresex


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