backyard crowing
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whether or not, here I come: or, how I learned to stop worrying and learned to love
My mom loves me, and she will not let me go homeless.
It will be okay, it will work out.
I am doing a new and scary thing. I will be okay.
God is with me.
------------ Later...
I don't know what has gotten into me. It's this flu, and my period, and apparently God. I think someone might be praying for me, because I feel a connection to a higher power, in a more strong way than typical.
I've been praying for others tonight, most notably my ex professor.
I've asked God to help me forgive him, and to bless him in so many ways. With his family, his pocketbook, his worklife, his personal time. I have asked for so many things for this professor. I asked in genuine concern for him, it rocketed through me.
It may not be popular, but I do believe in the power of prayer. And not just that prayer changes people's minds, but that it changes real circumstances, too.
I might finally be letting go of this. I might finally be done with my feelings of angst towards that professor.
There has been much crying and praying and shaking. And it's not a fever, this is different. I might be more religious than I thought I was. And that's okay.
And I feel okay being judged for it. I don't hold hostility towards anyone reading this who may not believe in a higher power, that's perfectly fine too.
I'm not a mess, even though sometimes I feel like one. I am a whole, kind, honest person. I am worthy of good friends and times. I will get past this.
And whether or not I become an editor, things will work out.
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This is how you love a person. You are so incensed and hurt, and then you heap blessings and prayers upon them. That's the hardest test of love, isn't it?
The test that requires you to love an enemy.
10:44 pm - Sunday, Feb. 04, 2018
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