backyard crowing
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he says his penis wakes him up at 6am
And just like that, a mere four hours after the last post, and it's over.
Iago and I...are done, it seems.
I'm left feeling sad, relieved, confused, and clear.
Sad and Relieved are opposites.
Confusion and Clarity are opposites.
For ten weeks now, we have been sexual. I have been falling for him, and he has been having fun.
I know he shared some romantic feelings with me...and he says he didn't see anyone else when he was seeing me. And, if I was single, he would take me out.
But he's not looking to settle down, and I'm not single.
And he says that for him, it would be weird if I broke off my engagement for him.
He also says that for people who knew me as engaged, it would be weird for them.
But really, in California, few people know or give a damn that I am engaged.
I will miss him. It will be good to have finally ended this thing.
I hope I don't go back to him...unless he wants something serious. And even then, I need to actually like him back, too.
I will miss holding him and being held by him. It was tender and genuine. In a rather crazy world, there was an odd stability about knowing that every weekend, usually on Saturdays-Sundays, we would spend the night, have sex, go on an adventure. Make guacamole.
We would work together on our projects. Converse about home ownership, and humor, and work issues. There was a sense that we would be there for each other...in the whole ten weeks, we never once missed a weekend.
Actually, okay, not one weekend, but that's when the fiance came in to visit.
I feel like my world is calmer now.
I can't wait to write more, but I don't want to forget anything, so these are the things at the top of my mind.
I'm a little surprised I'm not more sad? But holding in this secret has been so taxing, and now I don't have a secret to hide anymore.
If God can forgive me, so can I.
2:28 am - Monday, Jul. 02, 2018
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