backyard crowing


R nightmare

Wow! More than 2 weeks have passed since my last post, because my PC has been down for the count.

THANK YOU for commenting, lust! That totally made my day. Thanks for reading. :) You're fantastic.


Last night I had a crazy nightmare that R was in love with a new girl, who was in love with him. She was the lead character from a movie I keep avoiding watching, American Honey.

Iago lent several movies to me, and that was one of them. There's a scene that I considered fucked up that I saw on youtube, and he says it's "just business, the way things are," he admires the fucked up character.

Anyway -- the main character in that movie, Sasha Lane, was at R's house, on his bed, looking at him with adoring eyes. There was another girl there in his room, too.

I was sitting on the floor, there was no other seating.

I realized that R wasn't talking to me, no one was. So I left the room. Went downstairs (again, lower than him and the girl because I was sitting on the floor, and lower once more because I descended the stairs.)

I went downstairs and considered leaving, but went to his room to snoop instead.

I looked at his phone, but it was locked.

Couldn't find anything really. I just knew that this girl was in love with him, and on his bed, and he seemed into her, and wasn't even talking to me or noticing me.

I woke up and thought about calling him, but realized I really needed to do laundry while it was still a weekday morning.

Instead, I fixed my computer. It works again now, had to take the battery out.

I want to call him later. I hope this is just an anxiety dream.

R is who I want to be with, ultimately.

This Iago affair is only because I was lonely, and couldn't cope without human touch -- mostly nonsexual human touch. And because I'm worried I won't make it in this town without some help from people already in the business.

Meanwhile, is Iago starting to fall for me? He stalked me on FB yesterday, I know because he saw an old photo of me and texted me about it. The more I read about narcissism, the more he fits the bill. Although in some ways, I may have overestimated his narcissism, too. He's an interesting personality. Not too fun to be around.

The other day he told me a funny story about his childhood. He said, "I've never told anyone in LA that story." So he's opening up. He doesn't mean to, though. I don't think he wants to.

I don't want him to open up exactly...I just want him to be nice to me. That's not a lot to ask, really, but he has trouble with it.

10:21 am - Saturday, Jul. 28, 2018


lovesounds - futuresex


about me