backyard crowing


tikkun - repair

Oh, god. Don't let my rent check bounce.

I know it's time to go to bed when my brain says, "too bad you feel so dead inside."

Other fun favorite from the inner voice of hell:

"Don't you just wish you were dead?"

I can't remember the others just now, but they're all variations on a theme: me dying, or feeling that I'm already dead.

Sometimes I fight back, and talk back to the voices, but it's only a weak talk back, and they keep popping up and asserting themselves.

Sometimes I fight back and I'm successful. I will talk to myself a little bit and shake it off.

And sometimes I don't fight back at all, and I just become depressed.

The best times are when I fight back, and immediately distract myself with something pressing.


Something I read in some book recently, paraphrased:

"I had problems, problems that I myself created. Isn't that always the way of it, though?"

I'm interested in it because in this scenario, the writer takes ALL blame for all of everything he/she has had to struggle with. That doesn't usually happen these days, in the age of entitlement.

But, it's quite empowering when someone takes full responsibility for their life, actions, presence in the world.

I don't fully believe it, because there are shitty societal issues that prevent people from various things, but with great responsibility comes great power.

Make yourself 100% responsible for yourself, and you become stronger.

I'm seriously falling asleep. zzzzz

1:44 am - Saturday, Aug. 04, 2018


lovesounds - futuresex


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