backyard crowing


pardon me while i pine after my boss

Sometimes I think maybe I don't know who I am anymore.

I can be proud of this much:

I cried just prior to my interview at the Temple. And then I got the job.

I don't think I'll ever forget that.

I had just been in a $100 cab ride, and couldn't pay the bill. The driver was arguing with me. He finally agreed that I would pay him the next day, and I did.

I was filled with such shame, and managed to give an okay interview. My eyes were a little red, I worried that Jeremy would think I was high.

I'm a little in love with him, even after everything that's happened.

He may have finally caught on, today. We had a very thorough drill -- for fires, earthquakes, and shootings -- all in one two hour period.

Anyway, it's the best emergency drill duck & cover I've ever experienced. Our safety leader had us move large items in front of doors, in case we ever had to during a shooting.

Jeremy caught me looking at him, and it wasn't in the normal, "I wonder what my boss is thinking, so I'm going to look platonically to examine his facial expressions," kinds of looks. It was a little longing.

Saying I long for him is a bit much. It's just a crush.

It may be one of those ideas...I like the idea of him.

Today he ran after someone to give them some flyers, and came back having hurt himself. He's quite high strung at times. But then, everyone is during High Holy Days. So too am I. Just a few weeks ago I was acting much calmer at work.

But of course, that was mostly a ruse. I've been a mess.

And interestingly enough, now that Iago and I are over...I has picked up pace significantly. I am happier. But I am tired. Oh, am I tired.

Men like Jeremy, and like my fiance...they're the ones you want to keep around.

Not narcissists who get annoyed with you drinking too much tap water, like Iago.

(And yes, that really happened. He told me to slow down, and I said, "Seriously? It's WATER!") We had been out walking and had returned to his apartment.

10:22 pm - Thursday, Aug. 23, 2018


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