backyard crowing


mentor tara

Today was okay, I guess.

There is still the "I feel dead inside" sentence that wanders through my head, fairly frequently. Part of that was a hangover, but only emotionally, I had no stomach issues. The other part is just depression.

Iago came to the meetup last night. He was hoping to take me home afterward, I think. I missed him, but I'm also sort of glad I didn't go home with him - for not just the obvious reasons.

On the phone earlier that day, I told him I'd hear back about the big interview on Monday. He was very discouraging, saying he "didn't knoooow" about it, if I hadn't heard back yet.

Just very negative, and an asshole. I asked him why he was being so discouraging. He claimed he wasn't being discouraging, just saying, "If I were you, I'd be still applying to more Post PA gigs."

He doesn't know if I've been doing that or not. Has no fucking clue -- just assumes I'm not doing it.

He doubts me, and it's very obvious.

I wish I could say that this asshole didn't get to me, but unfortunately he does.

Maybe he's just angry that I've rejected him.

Well, I rejected him, and then (UGH) slept with him twice.

It's difficult for me to be without a partner.

What kind of bullshit terrible mentorship did he endure, to become like this? Honestly, it's not my business anymore. I don't care, and shouldn't care, how his upbringing has affected who he is today. I just need to get away from him. He's not toxic, he's toxicity.

A true mentor, like Tara, encourages. They advise, ask questions, teach, answer questions, are emotional sounding boards. Tara has done all of these things - and she doesn't even have to.

At a networking event last week, she introduced me to several people - one of whom was the editor of I, Tonya. My heroine.

8:15 pm - Sunday, Jun. 23, 2019


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