backyard crowing
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breaking up with nick the dick
I really hope I don't have HSV1.
I'll get tested in 12 days to be sure. No definite symptoms at the moment.
As for Nick, I've dumped him.
On Tuesday we were spending time, and I finally got the guts to do it.
Only he saw it as a negotiation, not a breakup. He really didn't get it.
And he pushed for sex, and I said no -- a couple of times.
And then he pushed again, and I went with it.
I really hate that I did that.
But whatever.
Just because someone buys you a vibrator doesn't mean you need to use it.
One thing that comforts me -- R had sex with someone before he met me who had herpes, and he didn't get it. And I didn't get it.
Nick and I have always used condoms.
That doesn't completely stop the spread, though. And even if someone isn't in the middle of a breakout, they can still give you HSV1. This is your Ted Talk, apparently.
Nick told me if he wasn't breaking out, he couldn't spread it. This is patently false...
I had to block him on my phone, and on insta. He's still in my meetup group, which honestly, I might close it. I guess I could also just kick him out of my group.
The day after the attempted breakup, he shot me texts throughout the day, cheery ones.
But he also wrote, and this made me REALLY know it was over:
"Like I really would like to belong to you 100% but also like...I'm kind of a slut. Like...I kinda fantasize about sucking cock a lot."
This was never before a problem -- before, he was totally fine not being poly. Bahaha.
He's trying to make it seem like he's the one to break up with me. Classic!
He says he's ADHD and possibly somewhat autistic. He takes mood stabilizers, so there's a possibility of manic depression there. The only thing to really get my point across is to block him. Otherwise he will continue to try to talk me out of breaking up with him.
He tried to win me back with photos of a clean sink. (His dishes are always dirty when I'm over there, sitting in stagnant water and attracting flies.)
Really frustrating when men don't listen.
Wish I had just left that night. I felt bad for him. There were tears.
I haven't really broken up with someone in like over a decade. I'm way out of practice.
I have it in my mind now to only do breakups over the phone. Because I don't want this happening ever again.
At least I have more kindness than Tommy. Never break up over text!
I want to be stronger about my boundaries. But some people really do need to be blocked to fully understand what the boundaries are.
I can't believe some of the sexual stuff he's sent me. And even after the attempted breakup...but I guess that's where the inability to read social cues comes in.
3:27 pm - Thursday, Mar. 31, 2022
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