backyard crowing


gone to texas? what do you mean \"gone\"? i've always lived here!

why am i not some sort of writer? all the world goes out to a huge bash and here i am, chilling and happy as a clam. i really don't care too much that i'm not there...but i feel like i should. i'm coming up with all sorts of weird excuses for people who don't matter as to why i'm here, alone in my tiny little dorm room, NOT partying it up the night before school starts. i'm genuinely happy here, i don't feel sorry for myself at all--and i don't want anyone else to, either. thank you very much.


i thrive on alone time. or maybe i'm just scared to be at a new school? i don't know. that's what my mom would say. i've gone to texas, but i'm not going to texas. heck, i've always lived in texas. austin has so much to offer, i really like it here so far. maybe i'm treating the city like a person though, maybe i'm waiting for life to become tough, maybe i'm skeptical of a city that seems so great. maybe that's why i'm here, to try to make my life more miserable because it's been too "good" lately. but i don't think that's possible, seeing as this summer was awfully cruel. i exaggerate i suppose, but not too much.

luis and wayanne. i went to their house last night for a dinner in a "home". heh. it's funny how the Christians on Campus say they go to "homes", I automatically thought retirement or nursing...they're a rowdy bunch, those Christians...

i don't know what i'm listening to, but it's nice--some tune off of (whoever 'buppie' is). anyways, an interesting diary she has.

went to the poster sale today, saw a few nice prints. i'll return either tommmorow or the next day to pick something up, the prices are great.

orangina poster
eiffel tower poster
james dean poster

we'll see.
we'll see if i ever call adam again.

mada is adam backwards.

so i was talking to this girl the other day, i forget her name. she was saying how her parents (and all her family) live in seattle. she was telling me about how it sucks because they've never GONE TO TEXAS (ha) and so don't know her surroundings, or what she deals with everyday. i guess it's like me feeling weird that my mom never met elyse. she and i became such good friends that it seemed od for them never to have known each other. oh well. perhaps they will someday. anyways, the point of all this rabble was to say that i worry that i should miss my parents more. i mean, the only time that i can remember missing my family was when dad went to singapore for three weeks. i honestly missed him then. every night i would take out the picture he gave me, read the note he wrote on the back of it, and kiss the thing. yes, i did miss my dad then. but now i don't miss either of my parents very much. it's an odd thing, i think, but really they're only 3 hours away or so, and i'm not deathly afraid that either one of them will die tommorow. of course, they could, but i'm not going to sit here and worry my life away like some crazy.

so, in short, i don't miss my parents. i feel like i should, but i don't. i'm also not feeling like crap because i'm not with the party, but perhaps i ought to. i don't know. i am who i am, and i feel what i feel.

so there. 12:44 pm, a bit later (this is off the g-rated site) starts day after tommorow! wow. a few days ago i was strolling around when this girl comes up to me asking for a pen. i grabbed one out of my purse and we start to talk about random stuff. she is polish and studying and working abroad and arrived in the states two years ago. and her name is janeane too! wow. anyways she had much to say about immigration over here and how she couldn't seem to get her green card. her work visa has run out and now she's frantically looking for a job (like babysitting or something) where she can legally work. she says perhaps when she eventually gains citizenship that she'll work in immigration because she knows about it and wants to help other people in her situation. what a day! a polish girl showed me the capital. that is just one of those incidents i will never forget.

8:29 p.m. - 2005-08-30


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