backyard crowing


major change? wow i am a confused young woman...

listening to : ginny owens, the album "something more"

i'm in the mood for beautiful female voices tonight, she is exactly what i want to hear right now.

i just got a card from mom! i now have 25 bucks on a jambacard! this makes me so happy, i can't wait to go tommorow.

ruthie reminded me that i can make a 60 in astronomy and still get credit for the class. i don't know if that's good or bad--i don't want to lower my standards, but i do want to get my requireds out of the way. i have two options:
1. drop a class
2. not drop a class
the question is, if i drop a course, which one? not astronomy, although that's the most logical choice. daniel is in my astronomy course. (again, hopeless romantic). ugh. i could drop anthro, but i honestly love that class. biology is to easy (or supposedly easy) to drop, and i wouldn't dream of dropping french or french conversation, as french is my major. i don't want to drop literature, either.

which brings me to the fact that i'm considering switching my major to english. i could be an english teacher. i can honestly say i've never had an english teacher i didn't like. english teachers are inherently good people, i think. and i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have to change colleges -- i think english is within the liberal arts college, if i'm not mistaken.

or i could be a music major. music is something i KNOW i would never tire of. seriously, it's one of the few things i am absolutely sure will always capture my interest. this would require moving to the college of fine arts, which i could attempt. and hey, if i was so set on being a music major and couldn't get into the college, i could always just transfer somewhere else where it's an easier task. i like austin, though. at least i'm pretty sure i do. occasionally i have my doubts. it's a bipolar thing, though--sometimes i smile to myself, thinking, "only in austin!", and i embrace this city with the openest arms ever, yet there are certainly other times when i feel extremely lonely in this untamed place.

anyways if i was a music major i'd probably teach, like if i was an english major. i don't think i'd be so good as to play for an orchestra or anything, and i don't know that i'd want to. those people don't get paid much--which is fine! i would happily be a concert (name your instrument here)ist if i had the talent. what a wonderful lifestyle! the only thing i would hate is the constant stress and practice. to be a musician of that caliber, one must not only have talent but also a strong desire to perform well at everything, and one must LOVE practicing, since one must do so all day long. and the stress? geez. those people are under pressure to make the cut each and every season--if there's an up-and-coming new musician that auditions better than you, you're OUT OF A JOB and can't necessarily find another one. whoosh.
so that's why i wouldn't want to be a concert (name your instrument here)ist.

i think i should write Christa back. i feel bad, i really do.
but she is paid to do what she does. but i still feel bad.
ruthie also reminded hannah (and me, indirectly) to hold on to the "good" influences in your life. Christa is definitely a good influence on me. and here i have probably hurt her.

my cellphone still doesn't work.

i need to sleep, though. goodnight.

2:00 a.m. - 2005-10-11


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