backyard crowing


nameless neighbor

listening to: "Maybe I'm Amazed", revamped (or de-vamped) by the wonderful Jem.

I had a sim named Jem.

i want to bump into that guy. i would like him to know me, and come into my room and just lay here with me, not necessarily talking. i just want to be physically close to someone, preferably him. i know right well i'm fat, but i don't care at the moment. i need company. i want to fall asleep in his arms as he brushes my hair away from my eyes and stares up at this bumpy ceiling.

let go your heart
let go your head
feel it now

i just don't get sick of that song. my itunes player says i've listened to it 54 times.

good night and good morning.
sleep well, my nameless neighbor.

Name/Age: janeane/19

Girlfriend/Boyfriend: none at the moment. i don't want a boyfriend, really, just a guy to be close with and maybe kiss sometimes if it's not awkward. someone to talk to. forget the formalities, that's not what i want. "No, that's not what I'm about." -Lisa Loeb
i just need some companionship, someone to treat me well and not pressure me into more physical stuff than i want. someone who will just lay there and hold me when i'm like this, unhappy and tired and failing and worried and subdued all at the same time. someone who will not make me feel mean.

What do you do when you feel bad? write in my diary, eat (eek!), listen to music, watch movies, relax, hope for colder weather, think about what life would be like if i were living in france, talk to myself (no shit, sometimes my roomie walks in on me chattering away to no weirds her out way more than it does me...i could care less what she thinks of my talking to the walls, i enjoy it gosh darned it!)

Do you always tell the truth? yeah, people always find out. it's easier to never lie, and you rest easier. plus my mom drilled into me that lying is bad, which i think is awesome.

Are you happy? i'm tired and dissapointed in myself and lonely. i just want somebody to be near. so no, i suppose i'm not happy. go fuck yourself.

Do you believe in God? yes definitely

Do looks matter? to some extent. i have to be attracted to the guy.

Politics? apathetic. we should have our own party. "What party are you?" "Oh, I just joined the 'Apathetic' party, we just listen to music and disregard politics with vigor. It's fun, you should join."

Do you think homosexuals should be allowed to adopt? yeah, i just talked about that today w/cristy. we are gay pride peeps.

What is the meaning of life? i'll have to get back with you on that one.

Do you think everything was better in former times? no, i'm not a loser, thank you very much.

Would you consider yourself intelligent? smarter than you, douchebag. no, i have no idea. i'm smarter than the average ant, which is saying something.

Listens to? EVERYTHING. i shit not.

Friends? what about them? oh, the SHOW? it's okay i suppose. some episodes are more creative and quirky than others. i'm no die hard fan, but if it's on i'll prolly tune in. (that is, if i don't have cable, and i do a ce moment!)

Self-Confidence (1-10)? 4.5. i guess. mom is always telling me 0, shame on her. then again if she kicks my ass about it perhaps i WILL gain more self-confidence, but somehow i doubt it. confidence comes from the inside. i've never been too good at having it, perhaps because she tells me i lack it. now, isn't that messed up? that is completely fucked up, and i never thought about my low self-confidence in that light. mmmkay this is starting to get depressing, so i'm gonna stop rambling now.

Immigration? i want to immigrate to france, and mexicans take all the undesirable jobs anyway, like mowing lawns etc. etc. so, bring 'em in!

Are you a feminist? somewhat

Make-up? no. i'm an "au naturale" kinda girl, and proud of it. i don't need makeup to make me feel good about myself, just a lack of poundage. and some guy telling me i make him hot. hehe. (half kidding on that last one...i've never been told that but it would be nice to hear...)

Pessimist/Optimist? optimist, but sometimes realist

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah, most of the time i think...when i'm not living with them, especially. nothing like an absence of my parents to make our relationship grow stronger!

Most negative quality? too self-conscious, i don't help when i could. i eat too much. i could be more sensitive. sometimes too sarcastic. overly shy and i sometimes make people feel like i am giving them the cold shoulder unintentionally when really i'm just too timid to go walk up and start chewing the fat.

Do you have a life? yeah i do! ah, but don't we all? no, i understand, and yes, i do have a life. now go get one of your own, weirdo.

Can you manage without the Internet? yes. i'm not about to tell people that, though. ;)

What's your opinion on big occasions such as Xmas, etc? what do you mean, 'my opinion'? they're fun, and i like seeing my family. is that any different than anyone else?

How do you dress? i wear jeans and a t-shirt, and a blue raincoat over that so people can't distinguish just how fat i really am.

Favorite Color? dark dark green and black

Is your hair dyed? no but hopefully sometime i will get my act together and turn it red with the semi-permanent color i bought weeks ago at cvs. it would be nice to be a redhead for turkey day.

Organ Donor? yes. why would i care where my body parts go if i'm dead? it's only polite. and take my bones and other stuff too--what better cause is there than science? there's no reason for me to have my parts.

Do you fear death? no. what's the point? we all die eventually, only some die sooner than others. death is not usually something we can help.

What means the most to you? i don't know. what means the most to YOU, biotch??

Are you popular? no, but popularity doesn't really exist in college, that's one of the beauties of it.

Are you social? not particularly, no

Who would you most like to be? idk. it would be fun to be a french person. audrey taotao, perhaps, or e.e. cummings or natalie hanson.

Your biggest dream? living in France and marrying a great guy and having kids and a job as an interpreter so i can travel often.

What are you afraid of? being raped, not getting anywhere in life, leading a life of unhappiness, never falling in love

Are you happy with the way you look? i'd like a much smaller waist, no zits, nice girly looking arms, and thinner cheeks, thanks for asking.

Height/Weight? 5'7" 150 pounds

Do you think your weight is OK? i'd like to weight 120 or 130. that'd be just superb, i'd be friggin' unstoppable. i'd be a bombshell. that's the kind of person i am--if it weren't for the weight, i'd be a hottie.

Is there extra-terrestrial life? AHHHHHHHHH! THEY'RE COMING FOR US!!!!!!! i guess i'd like to believe somewhere they exist and we could have hot alien sex...or not.

Do you have an obsession? staying up late, harry potter, french, hanson, indie movies, writing in this journal, music of all kinds except maybe rap, guys, propel fitness water. so no, i don't have an obsession, i have many.

Do you feel stressed? um hum.

What is PLUR? People Leaving Ultimate Reality. no, i have no idea.

Do you believe in horoscopes? not a lick of it

What starsign are you most like? i don't know, i am a gemini though.

Do you believe in the universal right of freedom of speech? sure

Satanism? nope

Christianity? yup

Do you like school? mmm...depends on the subject and how brainfried i am that day. he wrote, "would you like a dick in your ear?"!

What would you do if you ruled the world for one day? hmmm...sleep. no, that's selfish. world peace, there ya go. no...i don't know. i guess make it so no one ever goes hungry ever again.

Addicted to anything: simpsons, orange juice, sandwiches (DUH), driving (not racing just driving), music, dogs, pasta

Easy to sleep? yeah, i just rarely want to do it. i'd rather be up updating this thing!

Do you like philosophy and psychology? yeah, but i've never taken a course in either. methinks psyc would interest me more.

Who would you want to hurt right now? 50 Cent (his answer was Carrot Top, nice)

You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

6:44 pm
i'm not sure what to write about. it's somewhat hot in this room despite the outside temperature.

i think i'm becoming funnier to my roommate, she's laughing at my jokes more often.

it's already dark outside, i fell asleep at either 12:20 or 1:20 so when i first closed my eyes it was light out. i'm not hungry really, so i don't want to eat. i drank 3 propels today, which i figured out gives me a whopping 9% of both my sodium and carbos for the day. amazing--all that, from agua! mmph. whateva.

i wish i was seeing harry potter tonight, but i know i'd be too groggy to understand anything anyway. and the book is so ridiculously long, the movie won't compare. i still want to see it. the magic begins! everything will change! it's all so exciting. and the little kids at the want to be there. maybe tommorow, but i need to focus in on my studies. i can always see it over Christmas break. same for Rent too, really, but mom and auntie and i seem fairly dead set on seeing it next weekend. next weekend! gosh i hope they don't completely hate me. i've figured that if i get a 30 out of 33 on my next homework grade and a 95 on my next test, or some other combo like that, i can get a C in the class. should i try for it? i could just do the next homework and take a D in the course. maybe it's wiser just to do the homework and take the D, because that way i have one less final to study for and if i do try for the C, it's EXTREMELY likely i won't get it. my test grades have been: 62.5, 60.5, and 62, so i'm consistent. to make a giant leap up to 95 is crazy. i don't know that i could do it. and even then, i would still only have a C. that would leave me with (probably) an A, 2 Cs, and a D. would that equal exactly a 2.0? i just calculated it--that's a 2.25. if i made a D in the course and wound up with an A, a C, and 2 Ds, i would have a 2.0. i'm pretty sure i'm calculating this correctly. i wish my roommate would shut up. sometimes her voice just makes me crazy, like now. i don't mean to be annoyed, it just happens. la la la la la la la laaaaaaa.....she's not bothering me ignore it ignore it ignore it.......

"I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here." - John Mayer

if i didn't feel so incredibly fat i'd have a mind to march right up to his door and ask him out. i'd be so groggy though i wouldn't be much of a date.

1:58 a.m. - 2005-11-18


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