backyard crowing


family drama + pmsing = one crazy janeane

8:42 pm


this has been a rough day, but i'm glad...i'm okay. i'm glad i'm okay.

austin is beautiful at night.

i'm unsure of what my french conversation teacher thinks of me, i may be trying too hard to do well in his class. (no, it's not like you think--the phrase 'trying to hard' is misleading).

my mother doesn't ever want to speak to my dad's parents again, and her reason is justifiable. i can't believe they actually think that i--or she--exagerrated the tuition and housing payment. i would never lie like that, and neither would she. good grief. this is just another example of divorce adversely affecting a person, long after the event has taken place. it never ends, but that's the way of it.

but either way, i WILL get through college, with or without the financial assistance of my paternal grandparents. even if i have to take a semester off to work in addition to loans and scholarships/grants, i will get that crazy piece of paper. i don't know what to believe. dad hasn't given me his side of the story yet, but he had several chances to do so, and he knew it. i asked him if he knew what was up with mom, and he said it had to do with money and financial aid, etc. etc. he had two whole days to get to me first, yet he didn't, which to me says that this situation really is as crummy as mom says. granted, she might have overreacted a little, but mothers always do that.

in order to provide money for me, my mother would have to provide documentation that she helped me with my freshman year. my dad helped with car insurance my freshman year, but my mom (and a little bit I, and a little bit my paternal grandparents) took care of all the rest. do they think that money just materialized before our very eyes? i certainly didn't have much to give towards my education freshman year. that year was almost completely her, and why wouldn't she support me in my college endeavors? she's right, it's fucking insulting.

now i know for sure that if i'm ever on the phone with my grandparents i'll never ask, "do you want to talk to mom?", because that would put her in an awful situation. who wants an angry mother?

you know, it's almost easier this way.

i want to go throw up now.


later, at 9:14 pm:

wow! it has been 360 days since i joined xanga--that's almost a year! yesss...


i saw this at the end of an e-mail from a professor of mine:

To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting. e. e. cummings

ironically enough i found myself going to this quote to help me not worry about what this professor thought of me. and e.e. cummings! "He's my FAVORITE!" - Cruel Intentions

he is though--i love e.e. cummings.

and deathcab for cutie too...

8:42 pm - 2006-02-05


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