backyard crowing


disaffected youth

I want to be a part of this generation of disaffected youth,
to cry out
I wonder if I'm one of them
If I should be
If I want to be
If such an association would make me careful
what I wished for


listening to: NIN, and very loudly, because my neighbors are both out clubbing

wondering: if by the time i am decrepid i will remember what NIN means

clue: Nine Inch Nails, a truely magnificent band

i'm a fairly happy camper as of now. abby has inspired me to be more organized. she has all of her days planned out, even which hours she studies what.

tania went clubbing on sixth street last night, and she's there again! denise and kelly invited me to go clubbing tonight again (i believe this is the second or third time they've done that), but i'm proud that i was able to decline. i really wanted to go, but as nights of clubbing often begin, they were leaving RIGHT AWAY and I was not even close to looking club-worthy. anyhow, i think i might be able to next weekend...but secretly i hope they forget to invite me so that i will study instead.

tania says she wanted to go home this weekend. perhaps she will next weekend...that would be nice!

i love her to pieces though, i really do, but she talks crazy loud when she's on the phone. last night she came home at about 3 am somewhat drunk and dialed her buddy. her bed shares the wall with denise's, and i know for a fact that denise went to sleep at either 11 or midnight.

denise had to have woken up. at least tania was TALKING about her drunken state though, that might have discouraged denise from making a big deal of the noise. i'm sensing some foreshadowing with this whole noise issue. tania has no regard for asian people whatsoever, and kelly is asian. so was anya, my ex-roommate, whom she dubbed "that little asian chick." she did that in front of me. i'm not with that at all, but i shall pick my battles. after all, i live with the girl, and she doesn't know anya.

maybe tania has had bad experiences with asians. is that why there is prejudice in the world? is it? ever since last summer, that is what i have wondered. i worked at subway then, and one day at work while preparing a black lady's sandwich, i put a little mayonnaise on the vegetables instead of the honey mustard she had requested. i apologized and was about to remove the veggies and replace them when she said, "start over, make it over again." i was surprised but not taken aback, and began making a new one when my co-worker said, "no, just replace the vegetables, you don't have to begin again." i started to do just this when the customer became particularly ticked and told me that no, a restart was in order. i built the sandwich again to her liking, and then while making her husband's sandwich, i made another small mistake by using a bit of oil instead of vinegar. that lady watched my every move like a hawk, it was as if she was born to get me. she turned to him and asked, "do you want her to make it over?" he looked at his slightly unsatisfactory meal dissappointedly, and then at my stricken face. "no, it's okay."

"there is some justice in the world," i thought.

i was supposed to be off the clock from the moment i started making the family's sandwiches, but i was still my polite, subway-smiling self for them. what nerve she had to treat me like that! what gall!

after ringing up the family's items i walked to the back to gather my purse and cry. i was incredibly tired that day, she put the cherry of doom on top of everything. my co-workers, bless them, told me not to worry, and punched my name out.

once i left work i went to foley's to return a purse i had received for Christmas, and there was a black lady at the counter. i was so nice to her, i was terrified that if i didn't have a positive interaction with a black person and quick, i might start to hate the race based on one person. she sniffled, and i offered her my tissues. she apologized over nothing, and i told her not to worry. she helped me look for a particular replacement purse. i found what i wanted. we were kind to each other.

the next day the crazy lady and her family (because yes, they do require separation) returned to the store for more sandwichy goodness. my angel of a co-worker made their food that time around while i cleaned the oven. i remember going down on my knees to clean the racks, and my back was to the family. i wanted desperately to yell at them, kick them out, make their sandwiches to utter perfection, and walk to the back until they left the store. my head was swimming. i felt they had no right in the store with the way they (no, she) had treated me. i heard her say, "she's learning." yeah, right. it was my third month at a SUBWAY. learn my ass.

- saturday, Feb. 10, 2007


lovesounds - futuresex


about me