backyard crowing


dependency on men

I was browsing through xanga lately when a user asked this question:

"Do you think a young wife puts herself at risk if she becomes financially dependent on a man?"

So of course, I just HAD to reply. My speech was as follows:

YES! And it DOES NOT depend on the man. It is perfectly fine--nay, downright logical to assume that there will be a divorce. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce.

People do not assume they are going to divorce when they get married. Divorce may be in the back of their heads when they walk down the aisle ("Don't worry, you can always get a divorce!"), but normally a divorce is an unexpected, traumatic life change, and it occurs all the time. If people thought they would get a divorce, they wouldn't spend so much time and money on weddings. They wouldn't go "all out."

When a woman depends on a man for money, she doesn't have a way out of a bad relationship. Psychologically, she gives him all the control, and he knows this. That he knows he "has" her will make him feel as if he can do anything--suddenly his wishes are the only ones that count, since he is the breadwinner.

I will quote Screaming's maddening comment:

"Maybe, if something happened to the husband, THEN they should worry."

That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life! Screaming is saying that you shouldn't plan ahead, that if your husband turns out to be a psycho beater or simply an asshole in general, you should just wait and see what happens! THEN you should worry! This is just like waiting for someone to get raped in a dormitory before installing video cameras in that area.

Ladies, be intelligent. Get a degree. Get a career. Live on your own for a couple of years. THEN get a husband, if you so desire. THEN think about having kids, and if you decide on reproduction, make sure that you are not abandoning your career. Repeat: make sure that you are not abandoning your career. If you can not work for a few years while your children are quite young and still have a decent job to return to, you can feel safe about being a homemaker for a while. The only question then is whether or not being at home for those years is what you want.

I challenge you to think of the debate this way:

Do you remember a time when you or a friend of yours was in college and financially dependent on a parent/parents? Do you remember how you had to live according to their stiff rules, or else you would no longer get funding? Remember?

This is the same with a husband who makes all of the money. You can't trust any human, no matter how amazing they may seem. You never know who you or your husband will be in a few years; people change.

Realize that anyone of any gender depending on an outside source for funding is whipped to a certain degree by that outside source. The outside source can be an advertiser--look in newspapers and magazines--they will NOT write an expose on Brand X if Brand X is paying them for ad space--or a husband. There is no difference...I could go on and on..., what if a woman doesn't have a degree? So what if a woman doesn't have a degree? Well, she can work at Wal-Mart for seven dollars an hour, sure, but why would anyone want to live like that? Prepare yourself. Yes, you can survive on low-paying jobs that don't require a degree, but there's no reason to put yourself in that situation. This is all said assuming you'll get a divorce--and the odds of that are high. Adjust to this idea.


On another note:

"That is the way God designed marriage to be."

Okay...are you KIDDING ME?! Show me in the Bible where it says that God designed men to bring in money and women to cook and clean. SHOW ME. When are we going to stop the insanity and come to terms with the fact that men will continue to run the world if we let them? I HOPE that this comment was written by a man, because I am infuriated when women subscribe to ideas that will destroy them.

In addition to all of this, I would like to remind you that having a career makes men and women feel useful, needed, and confident. Homemaking is certainly a career and an admirable and difficult one, yet quite different from non-domestic careers. A woman can have a career and come home to her kids at night. She can care for them then, and on the weekends. She does double duty, and so can you.

Some women have a notion that you cannot do both. This is untrue--you CAN have both a family and a career, and you can do wonderfully with both, simultaneously. Single mothers do it. The single mothers that struggle less are the ones with degrees. Go figure. Good luck and good planning, that is what I hope for you and anyone else who has had the good heart to read this little lesson.


My roommate always doing one of these things:

-talking loudly on the phone, so that i can't study
-listening to rap on her earphones at full blast so that i can't study
-sleeping so that i can't study (i can't explain it, but if i see her sleeping, i suddenly have the intense urge to do the same)
-inviting her friends over so that i can't study
-working out so that i can't study

End result:

I can't study (in my room). At least I was trying not to initially, this just gives me an extra boost to go to the library/a study room instead.

- monday, Apr. 9, 2007


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