backyard crowing
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nate the great
i hope he likes me for me and not just my body. he was shaking the other night, when we were getting physical. i call it that because it was more than making out, and less than sex...
he's so ... yikes. Nathan. Nathan's his name. He has texted me every day since last saturday night, the night we met. he lets me cuddle with him, and he makes his bed and cleans his house for me. he let me choose the movie, and pour the crown royal. he was embarrassed that his kitchen was messy. i hope he's more than a friend or a friend with benefits.
i think about him a lot lately...i wish i was cuddling with him now. next time i go over, i'm bringing the vibrator. he thought it was hot that i used one...oi. he turns me on.
he asked me, "are you nervous?" a la Titanic, and i said, "a little." he said he was as well, but he was the one shaking. i think at that point i was too jaded to feel nervous. my trust in men has faltered somewhat lately, because of all the men who are here one second and gone the next. this boy communicates with me, wants to see me, wants to please me, wants to touch me.
nathan, nathaniel, nate. i hope i'm not wasting my time on you.
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New York doesn't seem so exciting anymore. My goal was Paris, then New York, now...but I don't want to give up on the big apple. She's mine, I've claimed her. I feel like I have nowhere to go from here.
If I quit school, I could pay off my student debt and live frugally with dad. Then what? Go back to the hell hole that is UT? I guess...but it would only be for my mother, not myself. I mean, I wouldn't regret going back and getting a degree, but what other interesting, fulfilling things could I be doing? Maybe I'd get the degree to go teach english in a foreign country. That sounds like me, that sounds exactly like me. I think I could go for that. Kids upon kids of some other race who speak some other language, all sitting in front of me while I explain english...or what about AmeriCorps? I don't know, but I do know that without that little piece of parchment I can't do most teach abroad programs.
I can't believe dad thought I might enjoy working at a university. "Barf me oooooout!"
Quitting school is like quitting band. No one wants you to do it, and they look down on you if you leave. Even if you say you're going back, they won't believe you because of so many others who said the same thing. It's a shame when your screwed up older sibling becomes THE WORLD and makes your life more difficult.
8:39 pm - Wednesday, Apr. 30, 2008
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