backyard crowing


dreams and reporting

the dream I had last night:

matt 1 was there, at somebody's house where i was. i'm guessing it was ceej's or nat's, but it was a nice, big place. he seemed to barely remember me. he said, "oh yeah, drinking friend from a couple of semesters ago!" i corrected him and said it was actually 3 semesters ago, and then we both agreed it had been a long time.

he was cuter in some way, maybe skinnier and maybe with longer hair. he said (in front of people), "so i always wondered, were you interested in me or was it just a sex thing?" and i said, "well, i was kind of confused at first, but then i was interested, i just didn't really know what to do."

i asked him the same, and he said quietly, "let's talk later." i don't know if that's because maybe someone else in the room was his current flame or not, but that was interesting...

i hope i haven't receded into his memory THAT far, i mean he didn't even seem to remember my name at first. but no, that's just a dream, in reality while he might be quite hesitant to talk to me, he remembers me and the things that went on that semester, they were memorable for all of us.

i remember in the dream i started putting on better clothes after he said, "let's talk later." then when people were gone i was afraid to re-ask the question. it seemed like he had his life together. i don't know what this means...maybe to not expect him to be the same. i mean, i'm not the same, so what should i expect of him?

i don't know if he'd want to see me again. the first moments would be inevitably awkward. if he liked me then, why couldn't he have just called? subtly asked me out? any of that shit i would have responded to well! and like the good book says, if he's into you, he's asking you out. not too chicken to do so.

nat seems to think the book is wrong in this. i think she was even a little upset/let down by the fact that i didn't want to keep it going with him, despite the fact that she said otherwise. it might have freaked her out a bit that we didn't work, because of course she wants it to work with ceej, and it has. iz exhaustapated...i think this means i still like him, and i need to be careful because he might not want to see me much, due to the definite awkwardness. i still sort of want to see him though...just to see what he does. and of course i'll dress up--if he wants to date me and he's a little cooler now (and less of a drinker), then i'll date him. if he doesn't want to date me, i at least want to look great and make him reconsider. i'm tired! yarg!

oh, men. i need to get back to my home and vibrator, i've been at dad's for like 4 days straight working on this crazy course.

i'm listening to "my sharona" again, that song is just so badass. i like the original best, by the knack, but i've heard a couple of other interesting renditions. i'm so glad "reality bites" reintroduced me to this song. HURRAH, 70s!

i can't wait to have my clothes all washed. it's a great feeling knowing you have a choice of ANYTHING in your closet. (and a rare thing, indeed...)

i am looking forward to being done with these studies because new moon awaits me! i can't wait to see what kind of drama/action this whole love triangle with vamp vs. human vs. werewolf is going to bring!

and all that said, i'm on team edward for life. jacob can't be half as interesting as ed, i've got that figured out already. and who's to say werewolves aren't dangerous for humans, too? in any other book or movie they're a fear. i predict a showdown: fang to fang. may the best mythical creature win the love of the human! or something. or maybe it will be, "which mythical creature will save her from the animalistic wrath of the other abusive 'boy' friend?" the possibilities are endless!

but they must work together, these vamps and wolves, to overcome a common enemy: the _____ . and so they must cast aside their disagreements and converge as a single, indestructable army!

"what the buck's" william buckley posted a great video on youbutt that summarizes the twilight movie, my gosh it's just hysterical:

oh yeah, and i'm calling it youbutt now. any time i try to type 'youtube,' the fifth grader inside of me wins.

In my writing and reporting class we have an assignment where we go out and ask people what they think of journalists. The thing about this little project is that the respondents are supposed to say terrible things about the profession, and weíre supposed to be offended and then write a paper about it, and how we felt. Problem is, I am no longer fazed or shaken by these airings of grievances! I understand they have a beef with journalists, and I agree with them, weíre horrible people!. : ) however Iím not going to be one of those people anymore, so they can talk up a storm without making me wince. So I have little to write about without making my professor wince. Bah!

Oh yeah, and somewhere in my dreams last night, someone encouraged me to go get tested. Itís a plan, man! Again, if thatís not a sign that I should, what is? I think Iíll be clean though, abbie seems pretty confident that with my amount of experience (LOW, low amount), I should be good to go. Never hurts to check, though, knowing is beautiful.

- monday, feb. 2, 2009


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