backyard crowing


children vs career

I got to thinking about children today, and the pull between being a mom and being a career woman.

I read some articles, one mentioned that we have body clocks that don't listen to social injustice. In other words: "At any point, she [the woman] is thrown off track. At any point when a woman has kids, statistically she will start to earn less money even if she takes no maternity leave whatsoever."

That's a crazy fact to comprehend. So if and when I have a kid, I'll start earning less money. Fuck that shit. I'll hide the fact that I have a kid - I will, even if it seems harsh or totally contrary to my personality and love for my child. It's not my employer's business, anyway.

It's as natural as breathing, my desire to be married -- and it has been since I was a kid, even after my parents divorced.

It's almost just as natural for me to want a career. It's the kid(s) I'm not as sure about. Maybe you have to want kids in that guttural way to have them.

I do have maternal instincts. I have that desire to teach, to help those younger than me. To brag on them. So it's a part of my makeup. One of my 3D instructors is a lady I quite admire - I'll call her Shanna. Shanna is in her 30s or 40s, and single without kids. But she has a phenomenal career and lives in an awesome place for her career (Los Angeles.) She's a success, and she's happy - you can see it all over her face!

She's also a great teacher, and cares about her students deeply. She has that mothering instinct, too. And she's content -- no, happy -- to teach part time as she pursues the other side of her career.

So maybe that'll be me, only married. Or maybe it won't, maybe we'll have a kid.

I also read tonight that many couples who are ambivalent about having kids use less effective birth control methods, or even the "pull out" method - let nature do the deciding for them. That seems stupid to me. I see the logic in it - but you're playing with fire. I guess the whole point is that to them, the fire doesn't seem so hot. It's just a thing that could happen or not happen.

I tend to think protection should be used to the utmost until you're ready and wanting to have kids.

Right now a kid feels like a future option. But one I may not have too many more years to ponder.

3:13 am - Thursday, Oct. 29, 2015


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