backyard crowing


saying no to family gatherings - even when paid to be there

Iago came to my place recently for the first time, on Friday.

He toured the place, found out who my roommate is, and didn't judge me for not telling him I had moved here a few months ago.

That's one thing about him I like, he's not judgmental. At least, not in some very important ways.

He looked around the room and said, "Well, you have a car, you have a computer to practice on, you're going to be okay."

That has been the main point of worry for me, not being okay. Financially, emotionally, etc.

It's so nice to be without my female roommate around, she's such a pain. So angsty, and so judgmental.

And a user. I brought her to the airport, and I'm bringing her back.

She's going to take me for coffee, and I'm going to milk her for all her film industry knowledge. Because I don't need coffee, I have plenty of coffee already.

What I need is a damn job, and money.


My dad is offering me $400 to go away for two weeks, visit family in Houston, then go to Missouri, and help edit a video of my grandfather's funeral.

That's $200/week. I already don't know if I'll be able to afford rent and all my bills this month. $200 dollars a week DEFINITELY doesn't cover life in LA, and that's where I need to be.

I wish he understood. He's saying he's paying $500 to fly me from LA to Houston, and then from Houston to Missouri, and then from Missouri back to LA. So it's a total of $900. The problem still remains -- I can't live off of $200 a week, even if room and board and flights are provided for.

So basically I'm saying no to $900.

I wish he understood that $900 would be a very meaningful Christmas gift. Even $400 would be. But when I say no, that might turn into a small gift of $200, or nothing even. I don't understand why he doesn't get it.

I guess I do, though. It's been decades since he's been broke. He doesn't have a drug addict landlord, or his first ever car payment coming up, or his first (fully insured in Studio City) car insurance payment coming up. He just has NO idea what it's like to struggle, or to have $0 in savings.

Old white men are the worst.

This Thanksgiving I did the same thing as last Thanksgiving: take care of dogs to make money.

My mother understands that I'm just getting established. She didn't even want to ask what I was doing this holiday. She knows I'm struggling. She's not offering to give me any money, because she thinks that's dad's role, and he feels the same way about her. But at least she understands that I can't just shoot off to other states simply because of a holiday.

I have two very fucked up parents who just have no idea what it's like to live in this era, or in this profession, or in this state.

6:51 pm - Sunday, Nov. 25, 2018


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