backyard crowing
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going the distance
R came for a visit, and I feel so much refreshed by it, it's unreal.
He made me orgasm once in the three times we had sex over the weekend...he cared that I came, too. He said, "what can I do to give you pleasure?"
It was very sweet, and what relationships should be like.
If you haven't been following my journal, just know that in months of having sex almost every weekend, and sometimes weekdays, Iago has never once made me come. And he also doesn't care to give me pleasure. He is an incredibly selfish lover. What's more, I ended up telling him recently that he'd never made me come. He didn't even know.
Then there was the time that he had sex with me when I didn't want it. But I had such low self-esteem at the time that I didn't even stop him, I let it happen even though I hated every second of it. I thought that would be the end of everything, but somehow it wasn't.
R and I went to the Getty, and a vegan restaurant, and on a mild hike. It was a better visit than I could have ever asked for. I feel so lucky.
And he said, "I know it's a far distance, but I feel good about it." About our relationship.
I'm so happy he still cares. I still love him deeply, despite it all.
We meditated in my room one day because I was having trouble calming down. Halfway through the meditation, I got distracted, and asked him if he'd want to go to C Island to elope, like a lot of Californians do. (It's our Vegas in that way.)
Although he said no, and I figured he would, it was such a sweet moment, and we smiled at each other. Giggled at my lack of meditation. It was beautiful, and I was stumbling over my words. It reminded me of improv, where you leap into a sentence before you know what the end of it is.
8:49 pm - Thursday, Feb. 21, 2019
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