backyard crowing


ramblings as usual

tal bachman..."She's So High"
tal...what a name!

cleopatra, joan of arc or aphrodite
wish i could actually hear that whole song online...blah

well here i am, educated by soap operas. weird. what makes us watch? oh goody, human pain displayed before our very eyes. nice.

so glad my life is not a soap. do you think people start being drama queens b/c of the stupid things? i hope not, because i will be a queen quite quickly for my viewing habits lately have been preposterous.
did you like my triple "Q"?

just thinking lately about interesting screen names, perhaps eFrankOfile would suffice. ah, a smooth blend of french with technology.

"What can I get for you today?"
"Oh, the usual."
"L'ordinateur francais?"
"Yup. Never could pronounce the thing!"

ok...that's just sad. trying to be intelligent is stupid. this cast seems genuine and heartfelt, but also as if it is completely phony--every last one of them. like humans, i suppose. but what fourteen year old knows the word "sphincter"? good grief, I don't even know that word and i'm a freshman in college, not high school. (i guess the phrase "not high school" in that last sentence is unnecessary).

the nineties are so weird. i just can't figure that stupid decade out. i try to think of clothes from the 90's, fads, music, anything cultural. but i can't seem to remember what is and what isn't the 90's. perhaps i'm still stuck there, thinking that the dresscode hasn't changed that much. and perhaps it hasn't. or perhaps i haven't. the 80's i can definitely define--blondie, flashdance, sixteen candles, brightly colored sweatshirts, The Cars (which i adore), legwarmers, and countless other attributes that help me figure out that era. not that i'm seeking to figure out history--i guess i just want to be cultured or something. ??? and what the heck does cultured mean? anyhow, i dont know what's frustrating about it. you'd think...i guess...that we are far enough away from the nineties that we should look back on the decade and chuckle to ourselves, thinking of how we were so juvenile and silly to wear those dumb clothes and listen to crap. but i guess i like nineties crap, because it seems normal to me. and it all depends on your perspective--if i were tyra banks, i would know everything about fashion, and for me, there would be a drastic difference in what was popular in the 90's and what is popular now. if two people were in front of ms. banks, one dressed currently and one dressed in 90's garb, i'm quite sure that she would be able to tell which was vintage. i'm not sure i would be so fashion-conscious. man, it feels strange to call the nineties vintage. but i'm certainly glad for the new millenium, overjoyed that i've escaped my two homes for another temporary one here in saint anthony.

i want to be you, jack. you're poor and you travel and you don't give a care that you're poor. you're sure as hell not unsatisfied with life. double negative. wilhite thinks that's pretentious. but i don't need him to write a journal entry now, do i? you "get the ungettable get"--you go for something impossible and make it suddenly possible. you believe that love knows not "rank, or riverbank", as the bard would say. you're a hero, an underdog, a brownie lover like me. psycologists are weird. i mean, come on, studying desserts and how they relate to our personalities? that's pretty out there, but actually fascinating at the same time. i love how you love rose, i want to love and be loved like that. right. that's a pretty cheesy comment, but who doesn't want a love like that? nobody, i think. but in reality, we all have a love like that--we just don't return it sometimes...okay, often...even never, for some. jack, this is so pitiful of me. i'm writing to an deceased idea. it really was a great story, though, very deserving of the acclaim. amazing i watch the film and it's not old--it's not vintage or nineties or anything--it's titanic, and forever will be. the timeless legend. my kids will see that movie, for sure. the smithonian sure had a ball, didn't it? touring the nation, racking up insane fans. fans. fans of a tragedy, that's it. but many gained respect for the event after that movie came out. before, the ship was just a small part (if that) of a history course. it was there, but virtually unknown. after it hit the silver screen, there wasn't a soul who didn't know what titanic was. you had prom themes like "Titanic Dreams" and leonardo dicaprio posters everywhere. oh, the insanity.

i want to be you, holden, because deep down we're somehow crazy similar. i can somehow relate to your story, somehow sympathize, somehow be you, wishing i caught the children before they reached adulthood. i can somehow understand why you don't want to grow up, and clearly understand why you'd do anything to be older. and you know, i didn't really think i'd ever understand a person's wanting to stay a kid, but now i guess i get it, because of you. because of a creative author. thank God for authors! what would we do without them? we'd have no Bible, let alone any other novels. but i guess you could say God was the original author. he told man what to scribble down on stone tablets so that everyone could figure stuff out.

I want to be you, jim, because i admire your candor and daring. i feel like a friend to you, but not a wary one, oddly enough. you disgust me in every way, but then you turn soulful and i can't stop reading for whatever reason. you make me laugh, but what's more, you teach in a way that is not forceful. you tell your story and you tell it because it's your own, and you write for no one but you. that's what makes your diary special. it teaches, but it's not instructional. it's what you've learned in life, but it doesn't tell us how to live. but it makes a great impression, an impression that i will never forget. i'm scared to see your movie now, i love your writing so much. i read reviews and talk to people, and they say it's not a good film. ah, but i'm still curious. peace be with you, jim. it's amazing you're still alive. rock on!

I want to be you, frank, and not just because you have a tragic role. you run, and so do i, when i really think about it.
"Nobody's chasing you, Frank."
perhaps i wish they were. perhaps you wished they were. but then again, who is "they"? anyhow, frank, i just want you to know that i admire how you turned your life around 180 degrees. but i also admire the fact that you are human. you were so much like i am now. granted, i'm no criminal, but the concept is the same. running out of a courthouse, i suppose that's the difference between you and me. your parents' divorce was more tragic than mine was. you had (perhaps) more grief, and so acted accordingly. you're such a freak, but i love that about you. why would you do such nutso things? being without a record really rocked, huh? (doing a triple "R" again...Reuse, Reduce, Recycle, baby!) i digress...and i thought the 50s were the age of innocence! turns out there were actually two whole decades of unlocked doors. say hi to your little sister for me.

"We're never gonna survive...unless we get a little crazy..." Seal
and that's really how i feel

guess i needed to blow off some steam tonight, this is more than i've probably ever written in a journal entry

5:27 p.m. - 2004-10-31


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