backyard crowing



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ain't no cure for the wintertime blues

I'm extremely bored, and I don't know why I'm posting, which as we all know is a terrific reason to post. I feel empty inside. I'm sad, but I don't know quite why.

There's the quite possible chance that the College of Communication won't accept me, and that's on my mind. Other than that, I guess it's just seasonal depression, or something. Only I don't have that, and I adore wintertime. Meh. Meh, meh, meh!

I leave here the 15th to go back to my home in Houston. I am readier than ever to be done with this semester. I always feel like my hands are dirty towards the end of a semester, and as if life has just begun at the beginning.
I feel sick to my stomach, sick of myself. Song of myself...song of my soul...that was an old poem I wrote about bicycling. That was...this:

bicycle wind

world whips whizzing
through my tousled tresses
wrinkled skirt
flowing shirt

click clack the tires
click clack the metal
click clack
click clack
my life clicking past

wind at my fingers
sigh of my soul
sun diving slowly
nothing in tow

devouring heat gentles itself
summer sweat tumbling from my forehead
my feet, my legs demand strength
i struggle against the altitude

and ah!
downhill once again
and ah!
freedom

my feet trace letters
a forgotten name
that boy whose face I have not framed
the road when steep we steady go,
when falling: joy, reflection shows

A bit lame, but oddly enough, I still like it. I'm okay with it, now. Song of my soul. I'm going biking soon, there's something terribly freeing about it.

*here there were two choices of paragraphs, and the choice I didn’t use is at the bottom, starred

If anything, I should feel free right now. I cut off one person in particular that I had no business communicating with, a guy who I am sure will only make me feel unhealthy and wretched. He is blocked. So why am I mentally barfing? Ugh. It's disgusting. I've put far too much of my time into him.
Here's what I'm going to do:

-drink celsius
-study in either the library or laundry room
-eat something already
-drink water
-think
-dance
-pray, whether people want it or not
-hope, because I am finding that i am lucky enough to have it
-be young, because that is what i am, and what i will always be, until death. We are all children.

Good night, or morning, or what have you.

Alternate paragraph:

*But what is freedom? Is that all I really want out of life? I suppose it is what everyone wants: to be free. Free from what? What is tying me down? Why am I not happy? Why do I *need* to be happy? Why am I letting an Atheist get me down? Why would he? How could he? Why should he?

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Something to occupy my time. It's slightly interesting, and I'm a copycat.

( ) Smoked a cigarette
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
(x) Been dumped
(x) Shoplifted
( ) Been fired
( ) Been in a fist fight
( ) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) Been arrested
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Lied to a friend
(x) Skipped school
( ) Seen someone die
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to México
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire?
(x) Eaten sushi
(x) Been skiing
(x) Met someone from the internet
(x) Been at a concert
(x) Taken painkillers
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now
(x) Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) Made a snow angel
(x) Had a tea party
(x) Flown a kite
(x) Built a sand castle
(x) Gone puddle jumping
(x) Played dress up
(x) Jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) Gone sledding
(x) Cheated while playing a game.
(x) Been lonely
( ) Fallen asleep at work/school
(x) Used a fake ID
(x) Watched the sun set
( )Felt an earthquake
(x) Slept beneath the stars
(x) Been tickled
(x) Been robbed
(x) Been misunderstood
(x) Petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo OR jack lope
(x) Won a contest
(x) Run a red light/stop sign
(x) Been suspended from school
( ) Been in a car crash?
(x) Had braces
(x) Felt like an outcast/third person
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( ) Had deja vu
(x)Danced in the moonlight
(x) Liked the way you looked
(x) Witnessed a crime
(x) Questioned your heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) Squished wet mud through bare feet
(x) Been lost....
(x)Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Swam in the ocean-
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers...who didnt?
( ) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang karaoke.
( ) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Made a bonfire on the beach
( ) Crashed a party
(x) Gone roller-skating
(x) Had a wish come true
( ) Jumped off a bridge

2:14 am - Tuesday, Dec. 12, 2006
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