backyard crowing


i'm nice

I am fairly sure at this point that I will someday marry "a talker." That is of course unless I find a speaking voice. I wish I could speak like normal people do, with intelligence, wit, and fluidity. I suppose that my shyness means I would rather kick back and let someone else entertain me?

I feel I go back and forth between the girl who wants a boyfriend and the girl who hates all men, or at least most of them, preferably the horny frat boys. I'm unhinged, but not by any particular man. By the prospect of any one in my life ever.

Other than that, I've never been more unhappy about my silent phone. Tania's posseses a constant blaring of all sorts of ringtones, and I admit it is [jealousy] that drives me to calling my parents of all people just to have someone to call.

But perhaps it's a tradeoff--I have few friends my own age and parents who are relatively involved in my life (mom too much involved, and occasionally dad not enough). In her shoes she has two alcoholics for parents, but she's a complete social butterfly. I like my life, I do. I love it, infact. After my first two tests on Thursday, we'll see what I say then!

Today has been rough, everytime I turned around there was something else to piss me off.

I wish someone would ring me. And by "someone," I mean anyone but the rents.

I also miss Marcus because he was someone I could call at half past midnight or 1 am and it would be okay whether he was asleep or not. Even if we only talked for 15 or 20 minutes, he was a friend when I was in low places and late nights. He was a night person too, where do I find another? I keep trying to rationalize why starting to communicate with him again would be a good idea, but I know it's all bullshit. He and I are no good for each other. He really is (or was) a bad influence on me. No need to bring that back.

Aha! Annnnd I saw Jeff today in the market. I love that market, it's located in a skyscraper and trying as hard as it can to be down home. Or something. Anyway, something I don't love is Jeff...never did! He said the obligatory 'hi,' as did I, and we chatted briefly about the new year, and how he tried to get into a Fiction class.

Note to self: Don't take the Fiction class at UT. Take Narrative next semester if you want, but wait until he has taken Fiction to go take Narrative. Talk about your needed "safety" in any given writing class. Chaaa...

Luckily he didn't mention the Photography Club, which he wants me to join. He facebooked me a message saying "you should join." I should join? I should join? And face awkward ex encounters a few times a week? But of course! I'm all over it, Jeffy-poo!

Sorry. I'm so mean.

But hey, I hugged at the end of the conversation, I shifted my items over to the other shoulder just to be nice. That's what I am, I'm nice. Yeah.

- tuesday, Feb. 06, 2007


lovesounds - futuresex


about me