backyard crowing


never thought i'd speak to him again

he must have some reason to call me.

he called me yesterday while my phone was on silent, and i called him back today only to leave a message on his machine. then he called me back while i was in the shower and i called him back when he was on the phone with someone. i'm still waiting for him to return my call...again.

why did he call?

the last time i saw him was for a spur-of-the-moment makeout session in mid november, and the last time i chatted with him was in mid december. now it's mid february, and his initial call occurred just two days after valentine's day. what's up with that? what a punk! i don't know how i feel about this guy. abby and i have now dubbed him MM for Makeout Marcus. from now on, i think that's how i will refer to him. those are his initials anyway, so MM makes sense on another level as well.

i hope he calls back soon. i do think about him and i do miss him. i don't know what i want from him though, as usual. perhaps i should not even have called him back. i don't want to get myself into any misery. i've said it before and i'll say it again: he is the only guy to make me cry, and we were never even together.

i fear that:

-if we become friends again, i will only want more
-if we become friends with benefits, i will only want more when he might not or feel slutty
-if we become a couple i will not like him enough to keep him around, and he'll just distract me

...well, no matter what happens, he will probably become SOME sort of distraction, even if we're just friends. i know that if i try to be friends with him, we will flirt, and i will wish we were together. i know that if we become a couple, i will complain about how he makes fun of his friends sometimes, how he looks at porn, and how he is so negative. i think that if we become friends with benefits, he will want out...because we tried that once, and he did want out. ...and to anyone, that's somewhat hurtful. when you're fwb with a guy and he decides he doesn't want to go there anymore, you know something's wrong. doing laundry just doesn't compare to tongueing.

if he asks me out as a friend:
-i will say yes, as long as it's not a lengthy outing

if he asks me out:
-oi. i've no idea. i don't think he would do this.

if he makes a booty call:
-why not?! (there are several reasons, but i will choose to ignore them)

he's a sweet guy, outside of AIM. his voice, the things he says, the ways he says them--all of these are plusses about him.

the jig is up, marcus. why are you ringing?

if he is still on the phone with someone, it is probably a girl, and he's taken. if not, he has forgotten to call me back. either way, sucks for me...if i do indeed want him.

- saturday, Feb. 17, 2007


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