backyard crowing
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The Cold Cut Trio's ADVENTURES IN MYSTERY MEATS!
I have a funny story to tell, but it will only do to tell it in a video post, and in an english accent. Unfortunately, I have no webcam yet, so this script will make do in the meantime:
Hello, my name is Janeane Garofalo (well, not really, since this is the internet, and you can never be too sure), and I'm here today to tell you about meat. Actually, not meat, but three meats, to be exact.
You see, I work at Subway, a fine dining establishment you may or may not have seen sprinkled across North America. (In chair, with horn-rimmed glasses and intertwined fingers. I'm an intellectual.) Now, why meat?
(somewhat condescendingly): I'll start with a story.
A few days ago, my trusty co-worker and sandwich veteran of one and a half years received an unexpected question. "What is on the Cold Cut Trio?" his customer queried. After some impatience and the attempt at the simple answer, "Cold Cuts," he came up with, "Bologna," and after much deliberation, he added, "two bologna-based meats." To which the lady replied, "Thanks, well now that you say it like THAT!"
So, today I had the honor of receiving just such a question, only from a male customer. I thought about it for a moment, and responded in the wise ways that my co-worker had trained me in: "Bologna...and, um...two bologna based meats." The look on his face was stupendous! He ordered the Ham and Turkey sandwich, and his wife (then a few steps away), remarked, "John! But you always order the Cold Cut Trio! You're being so spontaneous!"
Well, I don't know about you, but I like it when my meat isn't BASED on anything (thinks to self)...especially not bologna. So, here's to you sandwich eaters in the world: if you like bologna paired with a couple of vague meats, the Cold Cut Trio is absolutely divine.
If you don't? Well then, just go fuck yourself. Thank you, and goodbye.
(i'm pretty sure that last line is hella rude, and i think i'm going to change it once i come up with something more amusing to say)!
by the way, i now know that my sense of humour and my father's are similar. i told my maternal grandparents and my mother this joke, and they thought it was somewhat amusing. i, like my dad, could not suppress my guffawing!
TWO BOLOGNA-BASED MEATS! Man, I love Subway.
- tuesday, Jul. 3, 2007
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