backyard crowing


ben the neighbor boy

stole this info from a HowCast video on YouTube and wrote it out so I can look at it anytime and have a summary.

To Get Psyched, You Will Need:

-Overall Superiority
-Theme Tunes
-Essential Oils
-Clip reel

Admire Yourself
-In reflective surfaces, to visually confirm your awesomeness!

Have Your Tunes
-Anywhere you go, bring your iPod/CD player and your own personal psyched mix!

Three Words:
-Solo. Dance. Party.

Get Your Own Catchphrase
-That summarizes your life philosophy
-Say it early, say it often

-On a trampoline, on the ground, ANYWHERE! The possibilities are endless. Until you're on a cliff.

Obtain Psychitude From These Essential Oils:

Make a Video (Or a playlist on YouTube) of your favorite movie clips
-Press Play!

Get Your Friends Psyched
-Their psychitude will increase yours!


Just had this thought:

Guys pee so fast because if they don't, they're afraid girls will think they masturbated in the bathroom. True story.

Maybe. It's just a theory. :)


Also, Yvet went to the ball tonight. She brought home flowers, "from her date," and they're sitting next to our televisions. Date = Jax. Why? Because she didn't specify, and I'm sure now that she realizes I have a small thing for him. Why? Because according to the internet, girls always know when other girls are preying on certain guys.


I think there's always been a sort of silent chemistry between us.

Now it's Ben I'm talking about, my neighbor up the stairs. He knocked on my door at 4:30 this morning (2.5 hours ago) and of course I'm still thinking about him, I crushed on him a bit all year when I was roomming with Ana (that's last year.)

Anyway I grabbed the roommie and she looked out the window to see who it was. She couldn't recognize the face...I was afraid to look, so she said, "Who is it?" And he said it was Ben, the neighbor, and was I home?

So I reassured her I knew who he was and when I answered the door, he apologized and said he didn't realize it was 4:30 in the morning when he knocked. I said, "Are you sure? Are you okay, do you want to talk?" and he said that yes, he was okay. The roommie was there for a small bit of this, so I thought maybe he shyed away because he was embarrassed to ask for help, or to ask for help in front of her.

He said he knocked because he saw my light was on. I suppose he thought it was earlier at night than it actually was. I wonder what he would have said if it WAS earlier at night. Maybe he was drunk and feeling brave. My worst thoughts were that he'd taken pills. I wonder if I should bake him cookies like Abbie suggested so long ago. No, no, that's stalkerish. That's "here's food, I adore you way too much, and I heard that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

After he left, I spoke with the roommie about how I knew he'd had depression, because I roommed with an RA last year and he lived down the hall. Now we're in nearby apartments. The current roommie suggested I go to him and invite him to our apartment so he and I could talk--my place for safety concerns.

So I knocked on his door, and all that time before he answered, I was nervous as ever. I don't know, my heart just beat like crazy. It was that guy at Best Buy all over again--Wes. Anyway, I think that's when you know you're really, really attracted. The heartbeat goes wild.

But it was also beating because what if he had taken pills? Or what if he thought this was a booty call? What if I forgot everything? And I did forget some...I had a brilliant plan of what to say. Maybe I got it across. Since leaving I've perfected my spiel even more, of course.

So Ben retold me that he was really just unaware that it was so late, and apologized. So I left. I really, really hope he didn't think it was a booty call. And I hope he doesn't think I think he was ringing me for a booty call.

The state of things:

-he knocked on my door, so he either likes me or is looking for a friend

-he may think I was booty calling him

-he may know that I know about some of his problems with depression

-he may be shying away from me because of that, or getting interested in me because of that

-he may have needed someone to talk to

-he may have wanted to simply hit on me

-he may have wanted to hit on me because he might have been drunk, I couldn't tell

-he may have wanted food? nah...someone to nurse a hangover if he was drunk, perhaps

I just want to see him. There's a small chance I could have misread, I guess, and he really was going to cut, or worse. But I don't think so. He was wearing a wife beater when he answered the door. That shows your wrists, anyway. He said 'just a minute' and did something for a bit before answering. Hm. Primping? I know I was before I knocked on his door. Quickly though, just deo, a bra, and a new shirt. The stuff I had on smelled funky. Wet clothes do that when you don't fold them and leave them to mold in a pile.

I think I remember him looking at my shirt at one point. I wonder if he was just looking at my boobs or he noticed I had changed shirts. Or both. Really, who knows?

An interesting part of this whole exchange is that earlier in the day I was wondering to myself, "I wonder if he still lives here, because I haven't seen him in ages. I'm going to look out for him." And then a while later I saw him walk out of his apartment. Then I turned away and back to my cooking, then back out the window at where he had walked away--longingly, the kind of look that signals interest. But I can't remember what I saw when I looked back again. Maybe he was there, looking back. Maybe he had changed courses, and I didn't see him, but he saw my look of longing.

I don't know. It's just interesting when these two occasions fall closely together in time.

Obviously I HOPE he's taken an interest. We'll see where this goes then. Amazing, I was writing about Jax, one crush that I think is hopeless, when Ben, a crush that I always thought was hopeless, comes marching in. Abbie's rule strikes again! One boy makes a move, and the universe sends her another boy making a move.

"Proof, once and for all, that all a girl needs to get a date... is another date." - Sex and the City

Except now that boy is not just Jax, it's Topaz, a girl friend. My budding bisexuality is freaking out, and not in a good way. More later.


i don't comprehend words like "marketable." i am not a product.

i am also young and stupid.

- saturday, Apr. 25, 2009


lovesounds - futuresex


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