backyard crowing


anal sex isn't funny today ~

I've relearned a couple of things today:

1. When it comes to someone you might have a lot of conflict with in the future, pick your battles. Speak up when something really bothers you, something non-negotiable, and let smaller things slide off your back. I will employ this with Tobie.

2. Mulling over a confrontation for an entire day is really stressful! Far better to mull just a little while, prepare your speech/reasoning, and then listen. If your confrontation is a snap reaction, that's no good. But mulling for hours on end doesn't help, either. You're not a lawyer, you're a person.

I'm never sure if I want to explain myself once I post these sorts of conclusions, so I can remember the hurt, or if I should keep it simple and positive. Read ahead if you want to know the deets, and stop here if you just wanted good advice.

Suffice to say:

R's cousin Tobie posted two photos on FB that I found offensive, potentially damaging to R's job, and which made me jealous. They made R look bad, and even though I wasn't in the photos, they made me look bad, too, by proxy. They were peppered with comments joking about anal sex, and they were images scanned into the computer. R claims they're badly photoshopped, but only one of them was.

In the photos, there was an old female friend of his who pretended to fuck him from behind. They were both clothed (although one had him shirtless,) and he was looking at some computer, blocking the screen with his head. Their was a chair in front of the monitor, that someone called "the porn chair," so who knows what they were looking at. There was mixed company in the photos, which makes me think probably they weren't looking at porn.

Anyway, I took great offense, and spent the whole day angry, sad, worried, threatened. It might have been years ago (he would have been 25 in the year 2000,) but it's still some girl with her hands on R's hips. Not what I want to see...ever.

So my issues were:

1. I or anyone could easily tag his workplace into the picture, thereby damaging his career or maybe even getting him fired.

2. I suspect R's cousin doesn't like me, and that he's trying to get my goat. During some parts of today, I felt that the cousin might be pushing the two of us away, in hopes that he would have R all to himself. The cousin is often a user, and doesn't always respect R. So if I take R away, who's he going to use?

3. R accepted that he was tagged in the photos (what?!)

4. Lots of people are seeing these. If someone were to browse my profile, and then click on the man I'm engaged to, the first thing they would see on R's page would be two photos of him with some other girl in a compromising position. That makes him look like a douche, and me look like I don't care whether my boyfriend is faithful, or that he still has public photos of girls from before. It also makes him look VERY immature!

5. If I had a friend who was engaged, I certainly wouldn't post old photos of them with people they once dated, that's awful! R says he didn't date Ash (the girl in the photo), and I only semi trust that. He also claimed the photos were photoshopped; one of them clearly wasn't. The point is, anyone looking at the photos would think that this was a group of friends, two of whom dated each other, and who joked around about sex. You just don't go around posting photos of your friends with old beaus if they're romantically taken. Even if they weren't dating, it's still sexual, I don't care if it's in jest! How am I supposed to know they're joking?

So: I'm a very sensitive gal. But really, am I? I think these are pretty justified reasons to flip. I'm glad those two photos didn't have a large number of likes or comments.

I'm thinking about writing Tobie a message thanking him for taking down those photos. I hope he really did, and that he's not just hiding them from me. I feel relieved now, and I just hope the photos are really down.

5:19 pm - Saturday, Apr. 11, 2015


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