backyard crowing


wondrous winnie cooper

i have the desire to be winnie from wonder years.

she is so foreign to kevin, so elusive, so desired. i don't know that i'd want a guy with a lot of female friends, a shy nerd who never seems to get the girl would be a good guy to have...

again, i'm wishing i had someone to cuddle with. i don't think the longing will ever stop, not until i get my forever guy.

a few days ago i ran into patch on the street. he mentioned that he was dating a grad student. he couldn't look me in the eye. it was like he was just saying his little schpiel to get me to be jealous and he didn't want to come off as a liar...or something. anyway later i looked at his facebook profile to see if he was lying, and he wasn't. then today he's showing as single. his status says, "Patrick is pretty bad at keeping a relationship for more than a month or two." then someone responds with, "I never lasted more than 3 months until I met the right one."

i think i need to just exhale. realize that when i find the one, we'll finally last a while. realize that some people find love when they're older, some younger. realize that i'm going to new york anyway, so whoever i fall for is going to need to want to go there, or else lose me.

i feel for patch but i don't dare butt in, this is healing time. i may have something in common with him, but the bottom line is that i don't like him. i need to every so often go over my list of why he drove me nuts. he was clingy, didn't give me enough space, didn't listen well, was good at most things without really trying (drove me NUTS), was into things like hamburger helper, complained a LOT, and watched porn. he was also one of those assholes that thought i was unreasonable to want a guy who didn't watch porn because "all men watch porn." as if that was justification that it's okay to do.

bobby d looks like someone i wouldn't be physically attracted to, but i haven't met him in person, so I can't say for sure. i'm really lonely though. maybe i will be attracted to him, and maybe his personality will shine through the weird looks. and anyway, some people are fairly cute but cameras hate them. another thing: bobby never smiles in his photos. of course that is the (barf) "manly" thing to do, but i don't care. i need a guy who has a sense of humor, and not JUST dark humor. hopefully he'll do. :D

apparently I have another date the next day. we're having coffee at java something or another. i should probably take a taxi there or something...this other guy is 20. he seems cool, lives in north austin. he's an introvert, and taking rtf classes. i like how he's so "let's get this show on the road" with it all. he's not wasting time chatting with me for two weeks before he gathers the balls to ask me out. that's my kind of guy, fierce about what he wants and fast moving. he wastes no time. i think i prefer this style of e-dating. you just don't know a person until you've met them in person.

unfortunately i forgot to look at this 20 year old's entire profile before i accepted his date request. in the "most private thing i'm willing to admit" box, it says he watches porn, "like every other guy on the planet." i'm pretty sure he's a douche already. i'm not sure i want to have coffee with either of them at this point. i am curious to know what bobby's like in person though. except he hates himself a lot of the time, and is over-sarcastic and under-sensitive. ...not so sure we'd hit it off.

damnit i think yvette's rent check didn't go through, which means i can't spend ANY money now w/o getting an overdraft fee. fuck. it also means the realtors will charge a fee, and i may already have overdrafts because of her. i am distressed.

it's 5:19 am. daylight savings time has kicked in. i am exhausted!

goodnight, moon.

5:19 am - tuesday, Mar. 10, 2009


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